I Am A Wife of A Crossdresser

“I like to wear women’s clothes and I need to wear them”, that is how I became a wife of a crossdresser after 10 years of marriage. He finally told me that he was a crossdresser, this was also a revelation for him.

This was a constant source of our fights and unhappiness in our marriage. I often found clothes and I would think that he was having an affair. He then told me that he liked the feeling of the items and that it reminded him of me when I was not around. Then we would move or he would decide that he was going to “stop” doing it. Then one day he said he needed and liked to wear the clothes to be sane.

When I got married I made a commitment for better or for worse, sickness and poor, etc. Many people may not take that seriously but I did. Keeping my family together for me and our kids were important to me. I had come from a divorced family and did not want that for myself or our kids.

The problem started happening, when it started to be the center of our universe. This is when he had one of our largest fights. It was Thanksgiving and I had found more clothes. I don’t recall the exact situation, but I remember yelling and screaming. I remember feeling hurt, betrayed, and even worse disrespected.

Now before anyone starts bashing me. I am an open-minded individual and I have no qualms about anyone else doing these things, as that it does not directly relate to me. This was directly related to me and my intimate relationships. I am not attracted to women so the thought was a hard one to consider.

This was a huge announcement for me. At that time I considered a divorce, but I decided against it. I told myself I could handle this, it is just part-time, not full-time. I thought if I don’t have to participate and if no one finds out.

Being a crossdresser for a man is not something that most accept. In fact, they often get bashed from both sides of the coin. One side, the male society, says that is not acceptable. Then there are some in the Rainbow community that believe that they are not acceptable because they are not woman enough.

I started to do research and asked him to do the same. I went searching for years for help. I came across so many different things but nothing that seemed to mirror what was my situation. I found that it was either the CIS partner was not interested in the new gender being presented or they just divorced with little to no counseling or working on it. As I mentioned that was not the solution I was looking for. I knew there had to be others out there, I just had to find them.

About 8 years after that Thanksgiving fight, I found a book called “Living With A Crossdresser” by Savannah Hauk. See below.

After reading this book, I had a feeling of hope. I was about at my wit's end when I found this book. Ironically, my husband found it and suggested it, even though he had not read it yet.

I got the book and read it, it helped. The biggest thing it did for me, was it helped me feel like I was not alone, that there were others. They may not be speaking up yet, but there were others.

My husband read the book and it allowed him to see some of my perspectives and it was the beginning of conversations. This was the start of our conversations again as opposed to just disagreements.

What I liked most was that it provided perception for both sides of the experience. The author has a female CIS partner that is also not “attracted” to women. This was the first time I found someone who could speak both of our languages.

In the book, Savannah Hauk, refers to the “Pink Fog”. It is similar to a young girl getting her first of everything. They are just in this idea of a fantasy world where reality has not hit her yet. I often asked if it was a type of escape and he said yes, but different. It is living a life that they watch and want to participate, but can’t.

I equate it to how women must have felt before feminism kicked in. All through this journey, I knew I was a hypocrite because I can cross-dress as a woman now. But at one time that was not the case.

Now I am sure you are asking yourself many questions at this point. Probably too many for me to answer all in this post. Therefore I am available to be a guest blogger, guest speaker, or just one to one conversation.

Please check out the blog www.OurStoryOfTransition.com. We have topics about crossdressers and transgenders. If you are a CIS Partner who has troubling finding support, I invite you to join my Facebook group where there is no judgment, only support. If you are a crossdresser looking for support check out Savannah Hauk Website.




Becky is a Certified Master Life Coach, Medicare Specialist and Legacy Planner. You can add Mother, Fabulous Person and Spouse to her titles!

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Becky Schultz-Homko

Becky Schultz-Homko

Becky is a Certified Master Life Coach, Medicare Specialist and Legacy Planner. You can add Mother, Fabulous Person and Spouse to her titles!

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