What is a Transgender Widow or Widower?
This term can be a confusing one and some have different interpretations of this term, depending on their own experience.
A Transgender Widow is often associated with a female whose husband transitions to a woman. The experience for her is one of grief and loss. This is not just felt by those who are in heterosexual relationships and females. There are others experiencing this in our communities.
Truth is that is not only heterosexual couples who experience this. It also happens in same-sex marriage and partnerships. My definition is a transgender widow/er is a term that is used to explain how partners (CIS gender)feel when their intimate partner transitions from one gender to another. partners whose partner is transitioning genders. This experience can also happen with immediate family but is generally referred to as couples.
Now you may be saying to yourself, well we should be happy that our partner found their happy place. Well, we are, but we are also struggling with many things as well. I am a transgender widow and have been for a few years. I can not tell exactly when I became one, but it was before they discovered they wanted to transition. The conversations and the experiences that I was having with my “husband” and cross-dressing made me feel like he was dying. As I look back I think it was because I knew they wanted to transition before they knew, but I didn't know what that meant exactly for me and the family.
I have heard during our transition, and yes I am transitioning as well, it only affects the one transitioning. I heard that directly from my spouse. They felt that all this was just affecting them. After lots of fighting, communication issues, identity issues for both of us, we have come to a good place. We share “Our Story of Transition” on our blog and podcasts.
During the transition, there was lots of support for her transition, but nowhere for me as a CIS partner. I did not have anywhere safe where I could really share how I felt. There are groups, but they are usually open to transgender individuals as well and we are not always welcome. I thought I was alone, I thought I was crazy, I thought I was a failure and so much more.
Since my spouse and I came out publically in October of 2020, we have been sharing our story on our blog and podcasts. I created a Facebook Group for CIS partners as well to support myself and others. And guess what I am not as alone as I thought I was. If you are looking for help or support, please reach out to us. Join our groups, listen to our podcasts, but find some support and help. Going alone was not fun and I do not wish that on anyone else.
